literature

Youthful Minds, version 2.0

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evilmacca's avatar
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Published:
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Literature Text

‘Don’t crush the vocal’
a vanguard of religious silence follows,
mantra’s to fulfil the vow.
Roman candles or desolate vessels
they’re all basically the same -
navel gazing in striped t-shirts
over ripped corduroy and fucked-up Chuck’s.

Ersatz zeitgeists
fill their rendezvous;
mix-tapes with names and hearts
scratched over the Sony logo
and that cheap feeling
a car interior has,
post coital.

Youthful minds re-create
Aronofsky’s hip-hop editing
Bruce Lee strikes
hooks unclasp from eyes,
McQueen glances up
accelerated pupils dilate,
Monroe walks over an air vent
blood vessels become turgid,
Dean checks himself in chrome
hair follicles extend and
chewed fingernails focus the fumbling.

Certain minds and bodies always fumble
no matter the skill of fingers
or the previous nights
contained in muscle memory.
This is the first edit of this piece, I worry that it has been made worse, particularily the fourth stanza. It is an attempt at contrasting pop culture images with the image of the two teenagers have fondling/have sex. But I am not so sure about it's execution.

Well the original is at [link] so check that out if you want to comment on the prgression, which would be helpful. As always comments and critiques are returned at the earliest opportunity. Unless you are on my watch in which case you'll have to submit so i can return the favour.
© 2004 - 2024 evilmacca
Comments19
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justanotherfish's avatar
the description of two lovers in the car strikes a chord. I like it. maybe i dont see the deeper meaning, but i like it