ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
literature
Rosewalk V2
Deviation Actions
Literature Text
Beating butterfly wings
till palms smudge silver,
his watercolours
can never return from
molten swirls of what
was once wings.
A rose petal for a tomb
discarded beauty
meets another
freshly fallen form,
body lying shattered
shed as dead weight,
Amongst petals and feathers
frozen in decaying memories
words written in snow
fade so quick.
Shadows of before
echo across memories
of winter and spring
as I finally lay
butterflies to rest.
till palms smudge silver,
his watercolours
can never return from
molten swirls of what
was once wings.
A rose petal for a tomb
discarded beauty
meets another
freshly fallen form,
body lying shattered
shed as dead weight,
Amongst petals and feathers
frozen in decaying memories
words written in snow
fade so quick.
Shadows of before
echo across memories
of winter and spring
as I finally lay
butterflies to rest.
PLATINUM Subscription Pack -50% off
Access our basic selection of high-quality images and enjoy exclusive discounts on paid image packs.
$5/month
Suggested Collections
i like this poem actually, i feel it is one of my better ones, its about those butterflys you get in your stomach with certain people, and how someone telling you that they don't get them anymore can kill off yours. that said any criticism/adivce would be very welcome, as i feel it can still be improved.
Comments will be returned.
Comments will be returned.
© 2003 - 2024 evilmacca
Comments3
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
comments/criticism:
i really like the transition from the first stanza to the second.
i don't think that the last line of the second stanza is appropriate, because 1. it's cliched and 2. the rhyme somehow seems forced as well as inappropriate to the rest of the poem. i think that if you are going to add a rhyme, it should be deliberate...with a purpose, you know? and otherwise, it's distracting.
think perhaps that the last line of the third stanza should be "fading so quickly" because the verb tenses, now, do not agree with all of the poem, as well as the fact that active verbs are usually more interesting.
i like the line "Shadows of before." overall, i like the way this poem was executed. i am slightly confused by a few of the line breaks, however, as to if they were deliberate or by fancy...
keep writing
i really like the transition from the first stanza to the second.
i don't think that the last line of the second stanza is appropriate, because 1. it's cliched and 2. the rhyme somehow seems forced as well as inappropriate to the rest of the poem. i think that if you are going to add a rhyme, it should be deliberate...with a purpose, you know? and otherwise, it's distracting.
think perhaps that the last line of the third stanza should be "fading so quickly" because the verb tenses, now, do not agree with all of the poem, as well as the fact that active verbs are usually more interesting.
i like the line "Shadows of before." overall, i like the way this poem was executed. i am slightly confused by a few of the line breaks, however, as to if they were deliberate or by fancy...
keep writing